THAT is difficult for me. Meek and quiet? ME with three headstrong boys, a little girl, and a husband who prefers to speak with minimal words as possible? I don't know... I want to, but it's hard to picture it, let alone execute it effortlessly.
Just today I had two episodes of being my loudmouth self. This morning the two boys woke up bright and early at 6 am. I would have been thrilled had I found them doing household chores or quietly reading a book for homeschooling. But no... Instead I found them bickering over whose turn it is to play on the laptop. My thirteen-year old was watching Ryan Higa's YouTube channel while my younger nine-year-old whined over how it was his turn to play Minecraft. It was 6AM in the morning.
Whining and bickering is what I hear at 6AM in the morning.
I let the boys work it out on their own while I did the morning chores like prepare the breakfast and wash last night's dishes. (I don't wash the dishes at night because there's no running water at night in Binan. Calling out Laguna AAA Water Corp!!! Please improve your service here, it's just awful and people here curse your company EVERYDAY!)
Thirty minutes pass... boys are still bickering. I finally stepped in. I was yelling as I did my parental spiel. I knew I was doing it all wrong by raising my voice, but I couldn't stop myself, I was so annoyed as you can imagine!
The second episode of my loudmouth self is thru text messaging. I started to pick a fight with the handyman on the phone via texting. He has been away from home for more than two weeks to finish a renovation project out-of-town. I was mad he still wasn't ready to come home. My text messages were mean and very much the opposite of meek and quiet.
An example of my mean and very much the opposite of meek and quiet text:
"There are (things) that need to be done here. I haven't all the time to wait for you get your (act) together you know! I am so (annoyed) with you all of a sudden."
The words in parenthesis were foul in actuality.
You'd think I'd be happy right? With handyman being away and all to work on something that will generate money... I WAS happy the first week, when things were still in order. But then, things started to NOT get in order: The garbage was piling up, the dog smelled bad, the car was getting dusty and smelled bad, the light bulbs needed to be replaced and I was watching movies all by myself...
I should have just said that I needed him and things were hard for me to manage without him.
That probably would have been less hurtful. Now that I reflect on it, I had an entitlement mentality when I was madly texting hurtful words at handyman. I felt that I deserved something from him.
And I shouldn't. (Should I?)
In a marriage, you just do your best to love your significant other even if you get nothing in return. One of the best relationship advice I read recently in an article is:
Don't be afraid to be the one who loves the most.
Apart from reading and subscribing to inspirational blogs online, I also read a lot of books not just about financial stuff but also about relationships. I am currently reading an e-book that tells you how to unlock the 10 secrets to a successful marriage. And interestingly, if I may add, the secrets to getting any male, that includes your brother, son or any male relative, to do what you want. It's slightly manipulative, yes. Since they are secrets, I am not going to expose the name of the book here. Upon reading it you will be instructed not to let your husband in on your new-found knowledge. So if you would like a link to the this secret book, drop me an email and I will gladly send you the link!
Another homeschooling mom and blogger, Ayenn Casuga, recommended this wonderful book to me. It is really a good book, so thank you and God bless you, Ayenn.
The book is very interactive, I am halfway through reading it. It's Christian-based but not in that in-your-face, pushy kind of way. To unlock each secret, you are supposed to do, three assignments or tasks for REAL. Honestly, I've read all 10 secrets, but I am stuck on unlocking the first secret because I can't bring myself to do the third task. It's too emotional for me. In Tagalog - "O.A." Needless to say it is probably why my marriage is not even close to that nearly-perfect level.
I am sure the secrets in this book work. If I were to sum it up, even though I haven't read the whole book, it's telling women to go back to basics. Back to the times when men were the leaders of women.
Modern times dictate modern women to reason with logic. My logic is telling me "Come on, get real, I need to be honest sometimes!"
Then again, maybe it would be better to just shut up about it.
Photo: Mumtaz was loved so dearly by a Mogul Emperor that he wept bitterly when she died and as a memorial built her the famous and beautiful Taj Mahal in India.