Well I barely wrote in it, there is an obvious and significant gap after 2016.
Truth is motherhood or parenting for that matter is hard work! You just don't have enough time to do everything you want to do anymore. But now it's 2022 I feel like I should write some thoughts down to begin the year right.
Where am I at?
Firstly I am happy to say I am still a Taumbahay - a person who stays at home. But doesn't everyone these days in the last 2 years of Covid global pandemic? I am a consultant (in Australia), a mother to 6, renting, and I am no longer homeschooling.
I have been living with my family in Australia for almost 6 years straight with my family. My children are now aged 21, 17, 15, 11, 3 (almost 4), 1 year old. I've got a lot going on, I'm surprised I have the time to write this and finish it in less than 10 minutes. I still have a draft post from 2015 that I never got done...)
My big brother told me a few months back, that I was homeschooling already before the world even thought about it, so that makes me about 5 years ahead of my time. So what does that make me? I dont know.
I am no longer homeschooling because 1. it's really hard work 2. my consultancy takes too much of my time 3. it's really hard work. I would really like to go back to homeschooling my 3 younger kids what with the pandemic and all but I think I'll just stress myself out keeping a consultancy on top of it. I will taper off my consultancy work this year then I will reassess and prepare for homeschooling.
I am married to the same handyman, we now have 2 grown children, 1 teenager, 1 tween, 1 toddler and 1 baby. Yes, time flies. My 3 year old asks me "are you happy?" I tell her, "Yes, I am happy." I don't tell her that just to shut her up. It's actually true. My first 4 kids are very independent, which debunks the view that homeschooling creates clingy children. That's a myth. I hardly give my kids any money now. Sometimes I have to ask if they need money. And they very proudly reply no no no don't need it. They still live with me, and I don't mind...yet. Renting is hard enough as it is so I'll give them a break.
I tell my 2 grown kids you guys are like that because I homeschooled you when you were kids. They groan and strongly disagree. They start to say things that they did on their own and that I shouldn't take all the credit. They also said I pretty much left them on their own with their lessons. See, you are strongly opinionated because I homeschooled you. That's exactly how I wanted you to be. More groan.
I'm just happy with how our homeschooling journey turned out to be. They were able to transition to the Australian curriculum without much hiccup. I could have done more, but going back to #1 and #3 - it's really hard work.
The future and some parenting realisation
When I look at my big kids I realise that it's optimal to enjoy your children from a distance once they're grown up. Maybe some parents are different. But for me, it's just weird to cuddle my 21 and 17 year old. It's just not as fun as cuddling my 3 and 1 year old. Sure we still hug, but that's it. And the more they stay around, the more they get annoying? So I'm so glad they now schedule their own activities like going to school/uni, work, sports, dates etc.
Children are the most fun to be around when they are babies to toddlers. They are just so damn cute. And they love being around you. They are helpless and need you so much. You are all they ever need. And I tell this to my big kids when they accuse me of not treating them equally. I tell them you are not helpless, you can get up and help yourself with what you need. You will never have the same relationship that you have with a baby or toddler. I am glad that I am reminded of these feelings because I have forgotten what it's like. And I am sure that I felt the same way for each child when they were babies. The old kids can also see a version of me that they no longer remember but the feeling is there. They know in their hearts that that's also how much I gave of myself to them as babies.
For a while I was so focused in setting up my profession Australia. It's like that time of my life in the Philippines again when everything seemed to be a blur because of the chaos. The fast paced lifestyle. All the things that need to get done. It's just never ending. So now it's time to slow down again. I can already hear my ambitious self screaming at me, slow down now? Why now??? Well because I want to enjoy my last two babies before they grow up. They will never be this little again. So what's more important to you? And the answer is clear.
I have also come to accept handyman for who he is. I tell him I no longer conform to the norms of society. So if people still think men should be the provider, then I don't believe the hype. Automation is not always the key to success. Don't believe the hype! If you tell me we should watch this movie or series on Netflix because it's trending, then I will not watch it until it's no longer on the top 10. If my kids tell me to get my own Spotify account, I will stick to free Youtube music. So they have to reverse psycho me, but if it's obvious that you are reverse-psychoing me then it's not gonna work either.
Well that's that, hello 2022!